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Thursday, 14 May 2009 20:47 |
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Primark: A place that has the same effect on Liz Jones as churches do on Damien from The Omen.
Eligable bachelor: Single millionaire.
Bachelor: Closet homosexual.
Bachelor Boy: Cliff Richard.
Confirmed Bachelor Boy: Our libel lawyers won't let us do this one.
Amanda Platell: A good immigrant kindly given a job by the editor of the Daily Mail. Despite being childless (the mark of a 'career woman') she is nontheless an expert on families. Offended by many things, including: women who are prettier than her, poor people and the obese.
Good immigrant: Those from Australia, the US, New Zealand or Gurkhas. Good immigrants all work hard and never claim any benefits at all. As an added bonus they tend to be white (well, Gurkhas aren't, but Joanna Lumley is).
Obese: The state of being overweight and poor.Obesity is entirely due to eating fast food and sitting in front of the plasma telly while counting one's dole money. The best way to deal with obesity is mandatory work camps run by 50s-style Sergeant Majors and/or cutting benefits. Middle-class people do not get obese, although celebrities such as Jessica Simpson do get fat (see: fat)
Hairy Angel: A godsend - Susan Boyle is a woman who can sing but isn't beautiful so we can write dozens of articles that superficially praise her performances while actually having a go at her for being a munter.
Wag: a) What happy dogs do. b) What sluts become when they get off with footballers. c) A word that 57% of GCSE English students cannot spell due to dumbing-down nu-LieBoor fascist teaching methods. |
