ANGRY MOB

I recently rambled on somewhat about why I avoided having a true political allegiance and tried to make the point that it essentially neuters you. Take Iain Dale - for example - when it comes to Derek Draper; Iain is a crusading hardcase, fearlessly tackling the proposed smear campaign etc. Yet, fast forward a few months and suddenly everyone knows the name of Andy Coulson and the allegations made against him and the fearless Iain Dale is writing feeble gibberish like:

I have just got in and read the Guardian story about the News of the World's bugging activities. They are doing their utmost to drag Andy Coulson into it. Clearly, we don't know the facts of the situation at the moment. Andy Coulson has already pointed out that he wasn't even editor of the paper when some of this happened. The second weakness in the Guardian's case against Coulson - and indeed for those Labour MPs who are apparently likening him to Damian McBride - is that none of this has happened during his employment by the Conservative Party.

Of course, we currently do not know the full extent to which Coulson was aware of the bugging activities, nor for how long they took place under his stewardship of the newspaper, but does it really make any difference whether it happened before his employment with the Conservative Party? Surely you wouldn't hear that defence wheeled out in most situations - for example, you'd be unlikely to hear: 'sure, he might somehow have been involved in killing someone, but let me assure you, he wasn't working for the Conservative Party at the time.' Likewise, in light of the allegations surely you'd have to be pretty naive to think that the editor of the newspaper would have no idea that such practices were happening.

I think the point I'm trying to make is that if you have an allegiance with a party it becomes similar to having a religious faith: you find yourself having to justify or defend all sorts of crap because if you didn't you'd have to go against your party (or faith) and that would somehow destroy a small (or large) part of yourself. Subsequently, one way of reinforcing your allegiance to a party is to vigorously attack members of another political party. The consequence of this is that if a member of your party becomes involved in something vaguely similar or equally as unpleasant then it is your job to defend them. You will then, inevitably, appear an hypocritical arse. This leads to greater voter apathy, as it becomes obvious that politicians are only ever eager to call to account politicians from other parties and you get the impression that politicians are there to serve their party, not the public. Which, in a democracy, is something of an issue.

However, this is Angry Mob, I'm supposed to be slating the tabloids, so I guess I'd better swiftly swing this post back towards the direction of the tabloid press. Here's the deal: I don't think Andy Coulson has any justification for being involved with politics whatsoever. When voters are already being turned off the democratic process by parties only bringing each other to account I can hardly see how the appointment of an ex-tabloid editor as the 'chief spin-doctor' for David Cameron is supposed to reduce voter apathy. Was Andy Coulson appointed because he was a man who could engage the public with politics once more, or because he 'knows Rupert Murdoch very well and he will bring that relationship to the Tories'?

Call me cynical, but I'm guessing it's the latter. But that is precisely the whole point of a spin doctor, they are not there to bring openness to the world of politics, but instead their role is to package shit and sell it to the general public as wholesome, good-for-you truth. Who could be better at this than a tabloid editor? The reason the Conservative Party needs spin is because even when most people in the country seem in the mood to happily queue up in the pissing rain to slap Gordon Brown with a slimy haddock, people still aren't sure that David Cameron and the Conservatives are a better option. The Conservative Party should be utterly embarrassed that David Cameron is such an empty glass that people would rather sip the cold piss-dregs from the New Labour cup than openly support him.

Andy Coulson was editor of The News of the World for fuck's sake, a tawdry tabloid shit-rag that soon after creation in 1843 'quickly established itself as a purveyor of titillation, shock and criminal news.' The tabloid that concentrates on 'celebrity-based scoops and populist news' whilst its 'fondness for sex scandels gained it the nicknames "Sex 'n' Scandal weekly", "News of the Screws" and "Screws of the World"'. The tabloid which - during his period of editorship - faced 5 successful Libel cases against it for making shit up, and let's not forget the reason why Andy Coulson resigned:

The News of the World's royal editor Clive Goodman and his two associates were arrested on August 8 2006. They were charged with allegedly tapping the phones of members of the royal family, political figures and celebrities... On January 26, 2007 Clive Goodman was jailed for four months having pleaded guilty to the phone message interception charges. On the same day, it was announced that Andy Coulson had resigned as the editor of the News of the World, having given in his notice a fortnight earlier.

What the fuck is this man doing anywhere near politics, let alone being in charge of the media campaign for the Conservative Party? If you at some point in your life have edited a tabloid newspaper then you are a piece of shit. If you, for whatever reason, had edited a shitty, gossipy scandel-sheet then you should do the decent thing and kill yourself. Seriously, there is no justification for editing a tabloid newspaper; tabloid journalism is the lowest form of enterprise. Lies, hatred, fear, disinformation, slander, racism - these are a few of the words associated with tabloid journalism, yet somehow having edited a tabloid newspaper qualifies Andy Coulson to engage in political representation. No wonder people don't care about politics anymore when the person who used to bring you fuck-and-tell stories is now bringing you the latest ideas from Conservative HQ.

Iain Dale writes of Andy Coulson: 'I know a good adviser when I see one'; but Iain, please enlighten me, what advice is Andy actually bringing to your party? Is he giving David Cameron useful tips like: 'Don't fuck a prostitute in a park, because the tabloids will be all over that like stink on shit'. Or: 'Have you considered following Gordon Brown 24 hours a day with a telephoto lens, you might get a good photo of him bent over with swimming trunks abroad if you wait long enough'. Or: 'Have you considered just making shit up about the Labour Party?'.

Whether he knows anything about phone-tapping or not, Andy Coulson and spin-doctors in general should have no place in politics - especially if they have been guilty of editing a fucking tabloid newspaper.