Hastiness and superficiality are the psychic diseases of the twentieth century, and more than anywhere else this disease is reflected in the press.
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Daily Mail Causes Nausea and Rage! PDF Print E-mail
Written by Lois Lane   
Sunday, 07 June 2009 11:21
Daily Mail columnist Allison Pearson confirmed this week what the rest of us have long suspected, contact with the Daily Mail causes nausea and rage. Allison claims that when she picked up her paper on Tuesday 6th of June 2009 and saw a picture of Elizabeth Adeney and her baby, she found the picture sickening  flew into an uncontrollable rage and hurled her Daily Mail across the room. Said Allison ‘Very rarely does the Mail's front page make me shout and hurl the paper across the kitchen. But that's exactly what I did yesterday, seeing the picture of 66-year-old Elizabeth Adeney cuddling her new-born baby.'

 

When Allison sought medical advice for her condition she was informed that she was suffering from what medical experts have dubbed DMC (Daily Mail Contact) and this condition was set to rival ‘Swine Flu' and affect the entire population of Great Britain before Christmas. The only known cure is total abstinence from the Daily Mail in conjunction with the solace of a darkened room for 3-4 days.


Meanwhile, on the same day, hospitals and medical centres throughout Britain reported an unprecedented number of incidences of DMC which, according to statistics, largely resulted after unsuspecting readers chanced upon Allison's article.

Sarah Parkes, a secondary school teacher at a private school in Gloucester, said ‘I often suffer from DMC and have been known to hurl the Daily Mail across the staff room at least four times a week. However, after reading Allison Pearson's article, which was possibly the most crass pieces of journalism I have ever come across, I felt such uncontrollable rage and nausea and hurled the paper so hard it displaced the staff room's commemorative Jubilee vase. I am definitely going to abstain in future.'

Last Updated on Wednesday, 24 June 2009 18:26
 
Comments (3)
3 Tuesday, 09 June 2009 00:08
Sam
The thing that drives me insane about The Mail (well, one of many things) is how their highly-paid columnists appear to have no awareness of the world around them. Their weekly contribution is - read the Mail, select a story, then write some drivel about it. Or failing that we'll get 500 words on a particular mental hang-up (Gays, fatties, the dreaded chav...) of the writer. From reading the tosh that passes for journalism in the Mail one would assume it was all written by some neurotic GCSE students when the truth is its staff are supposed to be some of our brightest and best writers. Their female columnists are especially idiotic and appear to be selected based on criteria such as paranoia, incoherence and extreme shallowness. I'm sorry Liz Jones, I'm not paying to read about your effing country estate. No Melanie Phillips taking old anti-semitic conspiracy theories and changing 'Jew' to 'Muslim' does not make them right. As for Amanda Platell - the way she judges women (or anyone really) who are not aesthetically perfect may be almost understandable if she looked like Adriana Lima and had the educational record of Madame Curie, but she doesn't, and its obvious she's just using her column to spew bitterness onto the world around her (speading the un-love if you will). It would be nice if one day I was to read the Mail and think "Blimey, Pearson's column on quantum theory is really eye-opening, and oh wow, Platell has just written an amazing exegesis on the US constitution" But no. They'll be churning out the same old nonsense, week-in, week-out helping to dumb-down the population and wasting good trees on their nonsensical verbiage. Its almost as if the Mail has a plan to demolish feminism by convincing us professional women are all unstable flibbertigibbets. In which case Mel, Alison & Liz are the Mail's 'useful idiots' who take a hefty pay cheque while being traitors towards their own sex.
2 Monday, 08 June 2009 12:47
Claire
Interesting to see that the first few comments added after this article (or the ones that you can see when you go to the mail's web page - I couldn't be bothered to look at the rest of them) are of the 'it's no-one else's business but hers' and 'what does she do to look that great at 66!'. Shows that not all mail readers are of the same mind as Pearson. If you can call it a mind.
1 Sunday, 07 June 2009 18:53
Jessica
The Daily Mail is a rag. The fact that they even printed that scathing column Ms. Pearson wrote about a private person annoys the hell out of me. I don't necessarily agree with having a child at 66, but Ms. Adeney's son could read that someday. And that idea nauseates me, as does Allison Pearson and her smug ramblings.

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